Our Thai Wedding

{Sao edited this, her comments are in Italic}

On the first of March, 2008, Sao and I got married in Thailand in a traditional Thai ceremony in

Bangkok. The actual day is a very full one, with the preparations starting at 2am for the people preparing the food and at 3:45am for the girls who start the hair and makeup process. Because I am working overseas in China 99.99% of the work for preparation falls with Sao and her very helpful family. We skipped a few traditions before the actual day, but this was due to my unavailability rather than a desire to actually not do them.

2am: The family preparations begin with food for the morning’s event being prepared in advance. We did get a buffet supplied, but the amount of family members coming meant that they thought they would prepare extra specific Southern Thailand food for them, should the buffet get eaten by the other guests. I personally thought this was amusing, but understand that the Thai’s have a certain way of doing things and in most circumstances I prefer to keep out of the way.

3:45am: there is a general rousing of people in the house. (I might be typically be in another part of Thailand, but today I am at home and in the middle of the Brides family preparation and therefore able to report the happenings quite closely). The Bride and her sisters (in this case 8 of them all up) all have to get made up for the morning’s event (we will see it all happens again later in the day). For me personally, I decided not to get up and get in the way and instructed them to wake me at the much more acceptable time of 5:45 because, after all, I don’t need a hairdo and a pile of makeup (well this might be open to debate).The monks are due in around 7am, so there is considerable rushing around and organisation for them. This part of the ceremony is ingrained in the Thai psyche and is quite a wonder for people that have never seen it. Â There has to be an area set aside for the monks (in this case we got ten of them), special seating, a small Buddha setup in one corner with candles and an offering. Each monk is supplied with an offering (gift) of goods for their personal consumption, an envelope with a cash offering and followed up by their morning meal. A special meal is made up for the monks (it seemed to me anyway) in special bowls and with special serving utensils etc.7am: We are called down stairs. I saw all the foreign guests and started chatting to them, forgetting momentarily that there were another 60 people downstairs waiting for us. I was ushered on quickly!!

The foreign guests mill about; I show them to seats and then I get told that they are not allowed to sit higher than the monks (of course I offered them seats higher). This means they must sit on the floor. Oops, my bad. Everyone takes it in good grace. Fortunately it’s Thailand and ‘Mai Pen Rai’ rules and the readjustment is taken in good spirits and the guests settle into their spots. Standing up is OK. Rules eh? {Sao: ‘well, standing up outside’}

Sao has never been to a ‘Morning’ ceremony, nor have I, so we’re going to need guidance. We are pointed to the candles as yet unlit over to the left of the monks. We now have to hold hands and light the candles. Lighting candles is always part of any Buddhist ceremony, as is the lighting of incense. Once these chores are done we then kneel in front of the most senior Monk and we light his candle (we are still holding hands or touching an Arm.) where he places it next to him and starts the chanting process. There is a lot of this and I kneel there thinking that my knees are not going to enjoy this. Of course, I am correct. The head monk melts the previously lit candle into a bowl of water, which will be blessed. We kneel patiently and the monk proceeds to use the candle end to put some chalk stuff on Sao’s forehead and on mine. {Sao: ‘on you, the monk used his finger to put the chalk on your forehead, he can touch a man but not women’} We are given rice on a platter and we then dish it out and give it to the monks. Once the initial chanting is over, and we repeat the prayers (well Sao did, I just shut up), the monk then sprays us with holy water from the bowl with the melted candle in it. We then shuffle along and let each monk do this. (The remaining water is kept for luck and it sits on a high shelf at the top of the house outside the bedroom.) Once this is complete, there are more chants and then we have to food to each monk. More shuffling and knee conniptions but we get through the session and the Prayers. Once the Monks have their tucker (food) we saunter outside for Photo Opportunities and the guests file past and out to the tented area where they can have a coffee and snacks.

We are ushered back in to give the monks give flowers and gifts (including an envelope with some dosh in it). We shuffle along doing this. We then do a water pouring ceremony. This is about remembering ancestors etc. We pour water from a little jug into a bowl while the monks chant (some more). Once the water is poured we patiently await the chanting to complete. My knees are now a little painful.

The monks are done and they make their way back to the vehicles to be returned to the temple. We do the requisite endless number of photos with each and every guest, in different combination’s, and in different parts of the house. We’re getting ready for the ‘perfect time’ to start the actual marriage ceremony which is 9:09. I believe the bit we just completed was the engagement part {Sao: ‘Well, our wedding concludes everything in one day, the engagement part will be only when you ask your side come with Sin Sot and my parent say ok, the wedding part will be the monk and when the last step when we sit on the chair and people came over to put some water to our hand’}) and would normally be done on a separate day, as I have already mentioned.

8:50am: Sao heads upstairs to the bedroom and I head down to the entrance to our ‘Moo Baan’ (Village) with the guests and we get ready to start the ceremonies. The renta-crowd (with drums and cymbals) makes a suitable racket so everyone knows we’re getting married. Offerings of food are prepared and carried by guests. A Sugar Cane plant and Banana Tree are also carried by honoured guests. These plants are symbolic and are placed at the entrance of the house, {Sao: ‘normally they will grow them at the woman’s house later, but we’ve not enough area for that’} once we get there. At the allotted time we take off with much noise and ado towards the house – a small procession heading to do the deed!! The trip to the house has to be timed correctly, so we have a few stops along the way while the house is being prepared and the right timing is had. All very complicated, thank goodness for a wedding planner.

Once at the house, we are greeted by the bride’s family and friends who then block our way with small ‘gates’ {Sao: ‘using gold or silver chains’} that we have to get through by bribing the people holding each end. We also pay a niece for cleaning our shoes (this goes back to the days when this was done in muddier conditions. Traditions die hard). There are several of these gates and it’s all done in a friendly and jovial atmosphere. It’s important to pay handsomely, but not stupidly so you don’t appear ‘kii neow’ (tight fisted) or extravagant {Sao: ‘and to show the bride’s family (or friends) that you have enough money to take care to the bride in the future’}. We get to the bedroom and pay off the final gate keepers {Sao: ‘this is the biggest amount of money compare with other gates’} and we ask Sao if she wants to get married. She acquiesces and we proceed downstairs to start the next round of events. In the background, the two plant carriers are paid a small amount (those two men can ask for more money from the bride side. If they money they got is good enough then those two men will let other groom side in {Sao: ‘with sinsot. kind of revenge’} and the plants are put at the gates of the house. They are now can walk through the gate. {Sao: ‘the bride’s side then will give some Thank you gifts to the people who carried SinSot to show respect’}

It’s now the business end of the morning’s events. I must first go and seek permission from Sao’s mother (her father has passed away and there are some respected family friends there adding to the bridal party. I am represented by a good friend who fills in for my family who couldn’t attend due to health issues.

Thailand is a long way from NZ). We kneel (again) and wai the elders and respectfully put our foreheads on their knees (bow scrape) and they each make some sort of comment of good wishes etc. It’s all very nice.

It’s now Sin Sot (akin to a dowry in some cultures) time and this is delivered with great ceremony to Sao’s mother. It’s a bundle of cash, gold and the rings. All ceremonial and a fun part of proceedings.

Once all that is over and done with, I then place a ring on Sao and she does the same for me. The gold necklaces are then placed around her neck and I put a gold bracelet on her arm. Polite applause is heard. We pose for some pictures. We do some jup jup (kissing) poses much to Sao’s horror. (Sao whispers in my ear an unrepeatable word… makes me laugh) A few speeches are given by the elders, which is interesting due to the multi-cultural aspects of it all.

Back to the Sin sot, each elder then blesses it (as they would) and drops rose petals over it and say a few words. Sao’s mother then teeters off upstairs with it over her shoulder once it has been bound up suitably. {Sao: ‘and she had to pretend that sinsot bag is so much heavy’}

We know do some more kneeling and hand out gifts to the bridal party and the grooms representative. There are Wai’s all round and some more ‘best wishes’ etc. from the elders. It’s very polite and pleasant. They seem very happy and it’s infectious. The mood all around is buoyant. I like these Thai ceremonies.

It’s then to another endless round of photos inside where the ceremony was conducted. We were sitting this time so are very comfortable at last.

It’s now lunchtime and the guests head out to eat their buffet which is under the house in the garage area. We have to do a few more incense sticks and prayers in appointed areas.

We’re ushered inside and sat down next to each other (on chairs) and we have a flower necklace, with heart shapes on the end, placed around our neck and a string hat which is joined to another that we wear as a joined couple. We rest our arms on heart shaped pillows and with palms together we get water poured over them and the guests then have their chance to offer good wishes etc.{Sao: ‘using a pretty conch shell’} More photos of course. This is also very pleasant and we get to say hello again to all of the guests.

We stand up, the pillows are removed, and we get our photo taken with everyone again. Once this is done, the guests then head home for a rest before the evenings events begin.